For no particularly fascinating reason I found myself staying with my aunt Renee. In the coming month, I would either move back east or move into the condo my mother was in the process of buying, just in case I needed a little buffer time.

I already knew I needed buffer time. I also needed the buffer time to fully explain the situation to her. I had at a certain point and time, figured out who I was suppose to be and the sooner I could get to that point and stop being who I currently was, the better for me and everyone involved. That meant that I also was disenfranchised with knowledge of what my life amounted to, and what I saw every looking back in in the mirror each morning.
Due to my mother’s divorce in high school I moved in with my grandmother and just saw less and less of her. I understood that I was by that point an essentially time capsule release version of an adult, biding my time until I can have a state issued ID and a w-4 in my hand and make it official.
My aunt was also in a transition period. While I was getting off drugs and getting my life back together, she was adjusting to living by herself in her early forties.
My aunt would stay out late at the bars and take a cab home. By the time she’d get home, I’d still be watching TV, wide awake even though I’d plowed through a ton of sleeping pills.
I should say that we didn’t talk much. Not just because I was coming out of a very unbalanced state and she was basically clinically depressed, there was something more than a hint in our history, that made me think that when I was younger that she could have taken me up to her room and curiously and gently molested me, sucking me off in her room that smelled of incense.
We didn’t cross paths much after that, and I’ve figured one of two things happened, I either blocked it out and recalled it later, suddenly; or it never happened, and it was a figment of my imagination. I know that I spent time with her alone in her room, I know that, but there is an opacity to that time frame that could either be completely natural or my mind’s way of holding off information I may not have been, on some level, ready and able to comprehend. Which, raises another angle of confusion, is that the memories, if they are true to being fossils of that time period, were only stirred upon my arrival back to the town a few years ago when I met up briefly with my aunt Renee, which where simultaneously also brought up, I have no idea why, but since then, I will out of nowhere, be masturbating to her in the shower, and to sexual plans that I wouldn’t have otherwise have thought of, like sucking on her toes and things that I know less than that about, but probably wouldn’t rank super-high on a list of what I would want to do with a relative. The other part of the odd occurrence is that while I am met with an immediate physical reaction against thinking about my aunt, I am met with an even stronger, more overwhelming pressure to not just have wild, beastly, sex with her, but fulfill all these quirky sexual side roads. I, for good reason, told no one this. I have yet to find any case studies or anecdotal evidence that parallels this or history that might provide an analog. There was nothing I could do to explain the inconsistencies, so I left it in the past, or the imagined past, which ever it may be.
The town we lived in there was the rain, like clockwork throughout the day, and a heavy feeling to the air, like the condensation point was on the verge of being reached, or if not that then something uncanny had pulled the breath form your lungs, I would’ve thought this second point highly unlikely going into this weekend, all the way up until Friday; but all the way up until that point, I would have said quite baldly that there was nothing else comprising this town, just the rain forever, and television, if you even count that.
Mid-week, Renee had asked me if I was free the upcoming Friday, which seemed odd, because my main occupation was dutifully withering away in a stationary in the never-ending blue-gray TV glow. I told I had no plans, and she seemed fine with that.
Renee came home late Friday, and I was in the kitchen microwaving something and drinking. The TV played in the background.
She came in and kicked off her shoes. She grabbed a glass a water and looked at me when she drank it. I could tell by the movement in her eyes, that I wasn’t the only one drunk.
“Drink?” I said?
She walked toward the living room.
”Sounds great.” I heard her call someone from the living room, but couldn’t make out who.
I came in and handed her a drink. We sat in the quiet din of the television, until about fifteen minutes later a knock came from the door.
“That’s for me.” 

“Ok,” I said.
“Unless you’d rather have more fun than just watch TV.”
“What do you mean? “
“I think you can put it together.”
She got up and answered the door. A man and a women’s voice came from the door, drunk and a little giddy.
They talked in the kitchen about nothing much, and made drinks.
“Well, nights not getting any younger, follow me,“ my aunt said, and led them down the hallway toward her room. 

“And that’s…” I heard the women say, likely in reference to me.
“Yep, that’s him.”

I took a long sip. I got the gist of where everything was headed, but not specifically, just yet.

I could hear them laugh and talk in the back and I went back to not paying attention to the TV.
The women meandered out, and I could hear why.
“Hey, how’s it going.” She said, half a drink in her hand.
“it’s going all right, just can’t sleep.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. You don’t seem to excited to join us. I’m Karen.”
“Nice to meet you Karen, Henry. Yeah, i’m not really feeling it.”

“Why don’t you, I don’t know, come back and just hang out, it’s at least as interesting as the TV, Maybe you might get into it.”
I could hear the man moaning loudly, and saying things about sucking.
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s my thing, no offense. I do think you’re very attractive.”
“Well, I really want to make my husband happy, it’s a special occasion for us, and you could really help with that.”
“Yeah, not gonna happen.”
“He just wants to see me get fucked by another guy, it’s just his thing. He just watches that part.”
She takes another sip, pauses and says, “There’s nothing I can do to make you get into the mood? I can understand if you’re shy, we can start out here…”

“Do you have any pills?”
“Pills?” She looked me over and came to her conclusions. “I have got some pills, but if were are negotiating, then I know how much you want these pills, do you want them bad enough to go in the room and fuck?”
“Yeah,” I took a sip, and straightened up. “But I need enough to get me through tomorrow too.”
“I think we’re on the right track.” She put her hand on my thigh and finished her drink.
“I’ll get you the pills. But you have to do whatever I say, no matter what.”
“I’m not sucking your husband’s dick.”
“We already went over that, he just wants to watch. And I just want to give him one hell of a show . I don’t want to worry about a sad sack, going down on me like he’s doing the dishes.”
“That’s not a problem, that won’t be a problem. Give me one to-“

“Karen! hurry up, baby!” The guy said from the back.
“Ok, one sec!“

“Yeah give me one now, clear my head, I’ll be more than ready.”
“To do anything and everything I say. Otherwise, that’ll be it.”

“Ok, outside of sucking dick, deal. And you can’t tell my Aunt.”
“Deal. Now make us some drinks and meet us in the back.”
She handed me a pill and walked toward the back.
“Everything and no hesitation.”
”Yes, ma’am.” I quickly made some drinks and washed the pill down with my own.
I took a deep breath, and walked toward the sweaty smell of late night, weirdo sex, carrying the bottle.
Inside my aunt was laying on the bed, her fish net stocking legs in the air as the Karen’s husband Ed, went down her. Karen was taking off her jewelry. I placed her drink near her and made a quick other one. I took a sip and moved down to my knees and pushed my face toward her belly. I pushed her skirt up over her thick thighs, and kissed the inside of her thigh. She was an attractive woman in her early forties, full-figured, could be a 5th grade teacher, or some one in middle management at a small bank. I could feel life streaming back into me through the pill, the liquor, through having this woman’s pussy being rubbed in my face, I didn’t even care that my aunt was watching, I wanted her to watch, I wanted her to see everything I did, I felt like I was raised from the dead. I licked her pussy and fingered Karen, who had gotten her blouse off and now was leaning into me, gyrating her hips. I could hear my aunt moaning and it made me hard, knowing we were going to be in the same room fucking a foot from each other. Karen ran her fingers through my hair, then pulled me back, so she could turn around, hike her skirt up even more, pull her panties and thrust her teacher’s ass in my face.
“Eat it good,” she said. She may have thought that when I pushed her ass cheeks apart and nimbly then, kissed, licked, sucked on her ass, that it was the drugs talking, which they may have gotten me here, but I love licking a woman’s ass, especially one like Karen, who could be a librarian somewhere in the midwest, is in the room, grunting while a stranger with scotch on his breath, tongue-fucks her large middle-years ass,
“Oh fuck yes, oh fuck!” Karen shook in my grip. I could feel Ed’s boner eyes on me the whole time. 
“Is that get you hard Ed?” Karen asked loudly.
“Oh, yeah. Oh fuck yeah.”
I stood, abruptly turned Karen around so she would be facing Ed on the couch and bent her over. I pulled off the rest of her panties and shoved my dick in. Karen gasped, but I pushed in, grabbing her tits to pull myself deeper into her with each push.
“Oh, God, Renee, what do your think of your nephew fucking me?”
“Oh fuck.”
“Oh God Renee, he’s going to come in me.”
She turned, as she was now in doggy style on the couch with light thrusts from Ed, soon to come to a halt. 
I moved Karen closer to the bed so she has a base, throw a condom on and take a long sip from someone’s drink. I lean over Karen’s back and keep pushing into her, she angled her head back so I can kiss her on the mouth. 
Ed grunts and slouches off to console him with a drink.
“OK, easy.” Karen says. I slow down. 

My aunt is sweaty and catching her breath.
“I want you to suck on your aunt’s toes while I go down on her.” And before I can think of a good reason to object, her small toes are in my mouth and I’m kissing sucking on them, while massaging her calf with hands.
“That feels so good Henry….” I hear my Aunt’s voice trail off into a pleasurable distance. Karen straddles my aunt’s face and then kisses her way down her belly until she is licking at her clit. My hands have moved up and are massaging her trembling thighs, light with sweat.
Karen stops licking to look at me and she pushes her head forward expecting a kiss. I push forward and put my tongue in her mouth and taste all of the warm, sweat, sex and kink all wadded into one long kiss. 

Karen takes my hand and places my fingers near her my aunt’s ass, while she is busy with her pussy. So with one hand I am massaging my aunts near climaxing thigh,, Karen’s back as she goes down on her bring her closer and closer to orgasm, and now I take my wet middle finger and make gentle circles on the rim of my aunts asshole.
Moans of unexpected pleasure come from her. Ed is beating off somewhere in the background,
I maneuver my head underneath Karen’s and I flick my tongue against my aunt’s asshole. Then, I slowly push in my tongue.
My aunt moans and Karen and I take begin to slow. I kiss Karen, and once Karen rolls to the side of the bed Karen kisses my aunt, and my aunt, red in the face grabs me and tongue kisses me. I hold her body against mine for a minute, feel breathing, her breasts resting against me. I cup a breast and continue to kiss her. 

That’s when we hear someone knocking on the front door.

My aunt tells me to hide in the closet. Karen tells me to stay hard, and winks as they put on robes to see who is at the door. I grab a drink and stand in the closet, naked.
I can’t make out the conversation but it last a decent amount of time.
It may have seemed longer but from where I was, they could have easily had two moderately paced drinks, I based this because I had five. Then, I could hear my aunt walk into the room with people. She announced, that another person was jointing so we would play a game to keep everyone involved, everyone would get blindfolded, lights would be dimmed, and swapping out when the timer goes off.
“So everyone make the most of your time and and be sure to not use your voice, or anything else that would give you away, such as kissing, etc. I have a set of cards and You will have to work in the action, however you want, but in the time allotted. Everyone ready? Great, start time is now, and the first thing is to 69!”
Once I was pulled out of the closet, I put my blindfold on and was led next to my partner for 69-ing with.
Before I put my blindfold on it seemed like everyone else was partnered up, and when Karen said go, they more or less charged their partner with barely restrained lust, I could hear the bodies and wet noises. We knew this was a preparatory, stage before we could actually start the fucking.
I knew it was Carol, Renee’s daughter who was the last arrival, which gave the evening a very interesting twist, because one it meant that Renee, needed to step out to facilitate a sex party that her daughter was attending, and also, someone who has a vague lingering feeling, that she wanted to wrap up some versions of the loose ends that I had floating around in my end. Did that mean I would have to sleep with Carol, sleep with Renee, I, obviously didn’t have a problem, other than possibly bringing Carol into an already consigning situation, but if this would help resolve the situation between me an Renee, if it was an apology, if even she too blocked it from her memory and we simply needed to have sex and that would close that chapter for us, I would be 100% for it. While it shouldn’t need to be stated that the thought of sex rarely loses it’s appeal, even in my drugged out foggy and depressed brain, if I could pull down a woman’s panties, and just make out and kiss and fuck and all that stuff without every being liable for a coherent sentence in the near future, that would be wonderful. But, if it could simultaneously, put to bed, so to speak, this running mystery in my head, and I would get to not only fuck my aunt, which brings two immediate simultaneous feelings up, is both, a stop sign, and a due in large part due to the stop sign but the idea of fucking my aunt, knowing how wrong, immoral, illegal it is, kissing her on the lips, sucking on her tits, all of it, lis irresistible. I can feel the precum on my dick, just thinking about it.
I took Carol to a place for us to get down to work and get dirty. I held out hope that Renee would rig it that we would end up together and we would be the ones fucking in the throng of sweaty bodies, but how could she know what piece of my particular jigsaw piece was missing, and even if she did, would she say abide me having very kinky incestual sex with her, and fully and deeply tongue kissing her, sucking on her toes, etc., probably not.
While my thoughts whirled in my head Carol had taken the bold initiative of placement of both herself and the member itself. She ran her hands up my stomach, massaged my legs, my immediate thought was to Renee, telepathically, to take her out of whatever school she’s attending and find the one farthest from it. Because she should not be at the level of blindfolded technical proficiency with dicks and balls and taints, that she is at whatever college age she’s at, somewhere in the middle, not 100% stupid. Because a layer of confidence has been inspired and you’re throwing that on top off of a layer of nonsensical conjecture, bitter ennui, and quasi-permanent angst?
Renee’s timer goes off, that means we have two minutes left, before, if I guess right, I will be fucking Renee at long last, and the queasy, feeling in belly will be filled with the even stronger feeling of how good it feels to fuck, and just do the wrong thing, so well. The only thing I am worried about is that I have been waiting so long, that, I might just immediately come once I shove it finally inside her, and I won’t have all the time I’d want and need to to complete it.
Renee let’s us know that the time is up and if only we could see ourselves now. She tells everyone that she is going to guide you to an area so that you don’t run into any potentially damaging heavy objects, while still keeping the game fun and loose.

Karen led me to a place where someone was already seated. This made sense. She was trying to set me up with Carol before she administered her street skills into a profession.
Without being able to say a thing and specific actions that need to take place. Like, dancing you need someone to lead. and I didn't’ know who this was, and did not want to start pushing around Karen’s friend. So I held out my hands until I found hers and I initially tried to lead with a , “I”m turning you and were doing this doggy style. but that got resistance”, you might say at the wrist level, we were going to face each other, strangers passing fluid in the night, I was fine with this, just still possibly holding out the now less likely idea that my aunt would have sex with me and I wold never have to ask her if she molested me or sucked my dick prior.
So we fumbled until we adjusted to a rhythm we both found natural, and I removed, more like pulled up her skirt, so that when I reached to move the panties out of the way they would be adjacent. I pulled her panties up, and on the back of my hand I could feel her heat, so I was not clear on why she was slowing me down. But, deflated as I was I didn’t see any point in rushing it either, I’m sure she just didn’t want to feel like a hunk a meat, that I’m throwing around and plowing.
I take my time, I undo the zipper in the back,, remove her skirt completely. I push her legs ind to my surprise her panties are like a garage door, ready for the Mercedes,. 

I push in and can feel the air push out of her lungs to her mouth. (I do it a second time, and a third. I take her arms and push them over her head..)
Karen who is bent over pounded by the one an only Ed, comes, slumps his belly-heavy body against her, then slides off, breathing heavy into the no nothing.

I’m not done, I still need to do the foot massage, the toe sucking, among other things,and with Karen not with Carol, how am going to explain that, but also, does it need to be explained? Pretty sweet deal no strings attached if you can get over the whole incest part of it, which I have, and I’ve come to embrace. Listen, Karen, you may have molested me once, but all I want to do is make love to you, massage and lick you, and I will be good, we can, from that point on never speak of the wonderful night we had where I ravished you with sexual and pshycial and all the other kinds of attention. For the record Idid last longer than Ed. Fuck you Ed. too, by the way, you sorry sack of shit, get your game up, if you’re not contemplating suicide, start contemplating life.
I came pretty hard, and felt like it was more of a religious ceremony, than a Friday night have at this is a buffet of fuck, then I realized why.
When Karen, undimmed the lights and gave some information that sounded like the end of a yoga session, we left, made sure we didn’t leave anything behind like it was the wilderness, and we didn’t talk about the things we needed to stay or talk about. My mom’s hotel was about twenty minutes away. We were there in ten, fucking in 12 minutes flat. We fucked until the sun came up, beaming through the window, people passing who still eat oatmeal for chrisssakes.

I’ll never know the end of Karen story, it was a loose end a kite without a string, just a free form untethered satellite inside my head, but I think either way it wasn’t the fucking I needed, I did need that, thought don’t get me wrong, with all the attendant instructions, I will not go into a third time here, but they were all addressed, and it wasn’t, at the end of the day, it wasn’t the fucking I needed, many subsequent facings with detailed analysis, and charts, that I needed.
Kidding.
It was the motherfucking I needed.